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By Heather Havrilesky
Oct. 1, 2006
Human being there
I mean, can you imagine if my priorities were so mixed up that I would let the birth of my first child distract me from the upcoming premiere of the third season of "Battlestar Galactica"? The colonists are stuck on New Caprica, surrounded by Cylons, the future of humankind hanging in the balance, and all I can focus on is childbirth? Sweet Jesus, I shudder to think!
Rest assured, I haven't let foolish concerns like unassembled cribs or nonexistent infant car seats stand in the way of my watching the entire head-spinning two-hour premiere of "Battlestar," which I received in the mail yesterday and immediately slipped into my DVD player. I may not know where I'll change my little mewling raw chicken breast, but I do know that Starbuck and Adama and Roslin are so far up shit creek, they're going to need more than a paddle and a tube of diaper rash cream to get them home safely.
If, like me, you cherish the darkness and the high stakes and the ominous twists of "Battlestar" more than anything else about the show, then you're going to la-la-love the show's premiere this Friday. As you know, we left the colonists on a cold, forbidding, ugly planet with Baltar as their arrogant yet fearful, self-serving leader. And just as things were looking crappier than ever for the last remaining humans in the universe, the Cylons invaded and made Baltar their pathetic little bitch-boy. Last we saw, former President Roslin was looming in the margins like Bill Clinton before he caught a second wind and started busting heads on Fox, Admiral Adama was bumbling around on his spaceship, feeling like a relic of the past, and our one and only heroine, Starbuck, was in love and had let her hair grow long, which was clearly meant to signal that humankind was in big, big trouble indeed.
Things can't get much worse for our New Caprican friends, right? Wrong! Deliciously perilous times await all involved, with lots of invigorating references to the Biggest Mistakes of Human History to savor and enjoy, from the mind-control and finger-pointing ugliness of fascism to the senseless death and zealotry of bloody revolution. After just two hours with the old crew, you'll be shaking your head, a little smile on your face, appreciating how beautifully the writers of "Battlestar" have illustrated the terrible human condition, punctuated as it is by one instance of our screwing the pooch after another. My, we humans are a pathetic and undignified lot!
There's nothing quite like wallowing in the hopelessness of the human plight when you're about to welcome another human into the world. My child's first lesson will surely focus on the spectacular failure of most sociopolitical paradigms... _________________ It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
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